The Cronicles of the Mad

Writer's Block: What You'd Accomplish if Success Was Guaranteed

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:08:32 GMT

Knowing beforehand that you wouldn't fail, what would you attempt to do?

Firstly i would be very confused, if you know that your going to fail does it mean before or after you attempt to pass. It very well could be one of those weird future things that results in your paradoxical faliure when your trying to succeed. Having said that, if my biggest fear had already been conquered id love to say that i would just to by life in an easy, relaxed way but the truth is that i probably would go crazy trying to do everything to stop it.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:23:26 GMT

I feel like so much shit its unreal. i want to be beautiful, i want to feel skinny again, i want to feel lovely, i want to be somebody else!

a gross realisation.

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:06:56 GMT

Thus far, i have refused to accept my natural fuck ugly shape and have also experienced self-induced denial that i am not in control of everything. Furthermore, i have realised that unfortunatley, i will never be able to engraciate myself with that lovely tiny frame i so wish to have. In conclusion, im a fat fucking greedy pig and theres nothing i can do about it, end of story.

46ish kgs..........164cm...................relapse maybe?

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:17:38 GMT

Well i received my AS results.

B for physics
B for English (Fuck Me)
A for History
D for Bio

But the D is totaly not my D and the teacher even agreed that theres been some error along the line because its actually numericaly impossible that i acheived that grade. It makes me question myself though, you knowhow some people are so stupid that they think theyve done alright but only because they know so little that theyve actualy got like 0 or something. Am i like that? i don even know anymore. Am i REALLY as gifted as everyone thinks? whats the use in the IQ if i cant preform. LOL preform,... i almost feel like a pen with no ink or a condom with a hole or something. Upon hearing these results i had many a sucidal thought along with lots of weird spitting food behavior and guilt laden food. im a fuckin idiot for real.

Russia was ok.... i think the holidays fucked me up wild though.. dunno.

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:27:43 GMT

my my my delilah! i am SUCH a hot mess atm! ive completley lost every ounce of routine like in my entire life and eat like a scavenger or something. im always grazing on cereal but cant bare a proper meal, always munching on chocolate but cant take anything of substance! at the end of the day i have equal calories worth but is that whats it about?! i suppose if its inevitable im going to become lard, i might aswell do it healthily right? dunno... friday i leaev for 2 weeks and il be forced to eat in a structered fashion obv. I might put on tons and tons of weight, but i could lose some too....depends what the stars have in for me ahaha! lol feeling like a fatty but not too negitive... im going to a family function now ( YIKES) my gradmothers surprise birthday party, where theres bound to be heaps of cakes, food, and vigilant loving eyes watching to see if i eat. This is along with the silent " my gosh hasnt she got thin"....." shs abit skiny, lets see how shes eating" and theyll look over to me, seeing me fiddle with the swordfish i picked out but didnt intend to eat and watch me fuck with the greens and deny desert. Life is just so dandy!

pece mofos!

Writer's Block: Feeling Better

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:15:13 GMT

What makes you feel better when you're mad?

Submitted By kimmayeisblack

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Food usualy, but its also what makes me mad in the first place, so therefore i just try to avoid it all together.

Writer's Block: Last Call

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:17:18 GMT

You are on a plane that's about to crash. You have time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call and what do you say?

Submitted By lovelylette_x3

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Phones dont work on planes do they? theres no coverage! but id call Neil and tell him i love him for sure

Writer's Block: Carrying the Cultural Torch

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:25:56 GMT

What traditions do you carry on during your day, consciously or otherwise?

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1. Always eat breakfast
2. Try to only eat one other meal after that ( either lunch or dinner never both)
   3. Nothing is to be eaten 3 hours before bed time
    4. Only water for drinking
     5.Whilst bingeing, eat loads of the same thing, so youll never want it again ( this is a rule that appears like once a week, sundays usualy)
      6. When weighing, make sure you took 2 the night before and are completley naked, and are weighing your self first thing in he morning

There are actualy1000000 mor but i cant be fucked to make a longer list!

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:59:37 GMT

Neils back. Love is good. Food is shit. I am shit.

Writer's Block: Cramming Yourself into a Sentence

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:41:18 GMT

Try to describe yourself in one sentence.

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I crave the unnatainable and am shrouded in self doubt.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:34:08 GMT

Neils back today :). ... tonight.. i did some excersise this morning, burnt 200 kcals of the 200 kcals worth of cornflakes i ate. I know thats not good, but it wasnt in an obsess ive way even though it sounds it. I dont think im going to have lunch today, i really cant stomach more food . Il just have a bigger supper or a snak in the afernoon. Im heading for a total relapse...maybe i can stop myslef but the question is, do i want to? dunno. Im excited that Neils back tonight and thats all i care about! I hate my parents. I hate food. i hate humans. i hate me.

Scarlett is such a confident sounding name. I wish my name was more silent and poetic, like Lavender May or something...My life feels so freaking shit atm. I cant even be fucked to smile and shit, im just gna go around looking fuckign sullen and if anyone asks il just tell them to go fuck themselves. srsly.

How many calories is too many calories?! FUCK CALORIES! I HOPE MR FUCKIN CALORIE'S EYES ARE EATEN BY MAGGOTS IN HIS STUPID STINKY CALORIFIC GRAVE! LOL it would be so ironic the man who discovered this unit of energy ( KiloCalories) and its effect on weight had an eating disorder. I actualy made myself snigger abit. Wow. Now i really do feel pathetic. Over and out world.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 19:22:19 GMT

iVE not been doing good these past few days. I need help. Im getting worse. fuck. im always eating. im GETTIN SO FAT! IM SO FAT! IM SO FAT IM SO FAT! IM SO FAT! :(

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 12:06:42 GMT

I want to die.

Hunger Pangs

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:11:23 GMT

Im quite hungry but scared to eat. I know im meant to be attempting self-recovery and stuff but its difficult to eat normaly every day.... supper is soon ad im going to eat it, calmly and slowly untill im satisfied but not stuffed... which knowing my appetite of late will be after the 5th mouthfull! my stomach has seriously shrunk....

Neils back in like... 3days (yey!)

and i read the best book of my life yesterday which i will dedicate a whole post to ... in a little while :D peace out

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:04:45 GMT

I ATE LIKE A FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT PIG! :( i hope tomorow is brighter than today

SO TIRED. didnt get much sleep. Hangover hell. Too much food. Kill me now;

Writer's Block: On Character Preferences

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:53:15 GMT

Who is your favorite fictional character? Why do you love them? What fictional character bugs you?

Submitted By twisted_clarity

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My all time favourite fictional character deffo has to be Hamlet, although it sounds almost contradictory he is also the charactr that bugs me the most! Throughout the whole play he ponders and questions and it drives me insane taht he cant just avenge his fathers death and that nothing spurs him into action. At the same time however, i can relate to him, his questioning of life, his philosophical way of thinking, his general flaws.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:29:20 GMT

Hey everybody!!!!!! im staying at my friend alex's tonight :D:D:D all of us are! its gna be heaps and heaps of fun! :) as bad as it sound si feel like i need to detox today and not eat at all anymore till tomorow...but i dunno if thats a good idea for the sake of my recovery....well see :) im not planning anything, ive learnt recently to take life as it comes! im stronger than i thought i was :)

Lots of love!

keep on smiling world :)

xoxoox

ODDLY AWAKE!

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:01:39 GMT

I AM FULL OF ENERGY AND OH SO VERY BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

How yould you rate the day?

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:50:52 GMT

WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD DAY! got up at aprox 10 am.. had my usual yoghurt which i had put in the freezer the night before...felt fine. RUSHED with my mum to a big sale down at Monsoon and bought some dresses :) 3 actually! aha! lol im abit spoilt me ;) anyways... i started to feel super dizzy etc but i thought maybe it was coz my blood sugar was low or something but after i sat for lunch with my mum i still felt the same! it was so bad! i felt DRUNK! but i wasnt...... When we got home i fell asleep and woke up STARVING then i started to eat and eat and eat...not in a binge-ish way but in a normal way ( very strage) i had: Chocolate, a yoghurt, some low fat biscuits, crackers with low fat cheese.....REALLY STRANGE then i was fine.....weirdddddddddddddd. Then i ate loads for supper. What would you classify this as good? or bad? dunno...i felt really normal today but it makes me sick to my stomach when i think about the ammount of food ive eaten! :( i suppose its all for the best? dunno....fuck this. lol im so over having an eating disorder im even finding my petty counting ever calorie funny. CANNOT WAIT for neil to get back :) only 7 days left!!!!

Writer's Block: Food Loves and Hates

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:42:21 GMT

What foods can you not live without, and what foods can you not stomach?

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I CANNOT live without cereal, and i cant stomach anything with mayonaise!!

Writer's Block: Earth Vacation

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:02:15 GMT

If you were an alien and came to Earth, what would you tell the folks back home about the planet, its people, etc?

Submitted By sweetinsanity90

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I think first of all, Id tell them what strange and complex creatures humans were. How they battle within themselves, torn between wants and needs, responsibility and duty, and of course the truth and what they perceive as the truth. I'd explain the odd way they deal with emotions generealy emphasising that they are all very selfish creatures, caught up in their own little truths and worlds, oblivious to everyone elses'. I would speak about their odd ways of destroying the world, the way they crave power, and the uneven distribution of wealth and opportunity.

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:10:48 GMT

Hello :) Im sorry to be like.....explicit but im craving sex so badly since my boyfriend has gone :(...other than that i just crave simple human affection....at least theres only one week left now. Been doing good with my food....having small mini binges here and there but there under control and although at times i find myself consciously restricting...i know im building up to eat a normal ammount every day. The weight gain is hard to deal with :(...i know weigh around 105lbs (around 48kgs) as apposed to my prior 90/92 around 41kgs....its tough i know. a HUGE part of me wants to look like that again and be that person again ....but another huge part doesnt. Soon im going on holiday :( which means another 2 weeks without neil, at least i know il eat in a blanced healthy way/...

I think im alergic to wheat/gluten seriously.... im going to try and nt eat it in the holiday.. im in a good mood today.. :) xooxox

Food for thought.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:16:37 GMT

Good afternoon everyone, my day has started out abit shit tbh. I think i have a cold but no one beleives me! My mum thinks she is like the only person in the universe who can get ill and be ill. She is so fucking annoying sometimes! i had a Small/moderate binge this mornign when i woke up... it was controlable but i did it anyways because i dont know :/....it mainly consisted of cereal out of the box and nibbles from an assortment of different high fat biscuits. Tonight i have an party, which is quite annoying because it means i have to eat in front of 100 ppl. I hate it because i feel like im bein gwatched, actualy no, i know im being watched and there like " oooo the anorexic girl is eating, lets stare and see if she purges" which evidently i always feel like doing when more than a morsel and a half reaches my throat. I hate being sick, it makes me want chocolate. Its funny because i never used to like chocolate not even when i was fat! lol....strange really,its the same with Jam and porridge and watermelon.

on the plus side! neil gets back in aprox 10 days! which means time is passing relitiviley fast, i miss him though, im going to get VERY VERY drunk again tonight =)

ill post soon, peace xoxo

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:56:29 GMT

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Writer's Block: In the Shoes of an Extravagant Restaurant Owner

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:56:08 GMT

If you started a restaurant, what would it serve, what would it look like and what would you name it? You have an unlimited budget.

Submitted By crazygirl33087

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If i started a resturant it would be called...Ugly's because its such a cool name! lol i would serve organic food thats both wholesome and delicious. The menu would include lots of fish and expensive wines, the food however would be light and fresh and superb! The interior would be decorated in a way that meets french boudois with modern chic.....